25 and alive.

Time does fly. In a few days, I’ll be turning 25, and for the past four years since finishing college, a lot has happened. I have transferred to a new job, met new people along the way, discovered places, faced several crises, both at home and in work, encountered struggles internally and externally, and still a hit-or-miss when it comes to love, such that it came to a point that I have lost any care for it anymore.

For the past few years, my family has faced several crises (and even up to now), involving money, taxes, properties, my grandfather’s deteriorating health, squabbles with relatives, and various health scares and thankfully my family has survived all of these. I’m thankful that my grandfather is somehow doing well, my grandmother and father surviving all the challenges thrown against them, and my mother doing her best to maintain cancer-free for eight years and counting.

As for my career, it has been a good four months since I have officially left my first job, and I am still overwhelmed with my current job. Not just the workload, but the fact that there are more toxic people in my current job as compared to my previous job. I may be working for the same media company for five years (if you count the fact that I had my On-The-Job training with the same media company during college), but it is just now that I get to experience firsthand the politics in the office.

I may have graduated as a Political Science major (who really thinks more like a journalist, given the experience I have garnered throughout the years), but dealing with office politics is really hard, especially with factors like untouchable people, people who simply hate you for no reason, and people who are simply incompetent. Thankfully, I have a small group in the office that I can count on, making me deal better with the immense politics.

Thankfully, my current job has sparked up my creativity levels, bringing back my motivation to write stories and shoot various events. I thought that I am no longer that good with photography and writing, but my current job has brought that passion once again. I guess I am in the right track; it’s just that there are several challenges and hurdles I would need to face as of the moment.

On a personal level, I am amazed at how I have actually brought my weight down to my high school-era weight. Considering before I do not care about fitness and health and that I used to be reckless when it comes to eating, I have now become more health conscious as I have ever imagined in my whole life. Maybe those health scares that hit me and my family and relatives help me change my lifestyle for the better after all.

On an emotional and mental level, I always talk to myself and ask my younger self how I would have dealt with things. Yes, I am no longer the same person as I used to be, yet I still have those “what if?” questions lingering on my mind, wondering how my life would have changed if I have made different decisions when I was younger.

Yes, experiences, victories, heartaches, struggles, and achievements have changed practically my whole persona. Yet this change has overwhelmed me, such that my brain feels like it is at full capacity or is just very congested with the amount of experience I have garnered lately, especially with my current job.

Because of such congestion I told myself this: that before I turn silver I have to defragment my brain and re-channel it. Events lately have been taking a toll on me.

When it comes to love, honestly I have lost care about it yet there is that girl who makes me think otherwise. But then, I feel that I have to distance myself from her for the meantime as I have realized that I have become too close to her, that people start using our closeness as a means of staining my (and also her) reputation as a person. In short, we are being judged, more because of my actions toward her.

Yes, I admit finally that I have a fault in how I treat her, as I can’t blame her since even though she has been in relationships before (unlike me), I still believe that she has still more to learn. Even I myself has still more to learn, especially in dealing with people and trusting them.

The thing about my current job is that it is really hard to trust people, yet at the same time it involves dealing with people. It is a double-edged sword that I have to deal on an everyday basis. It’s a struggle, especially that there are times that I am unaware that people who I have dealt with previously are actually saying bad things behind my back, or are making an effort to stain my reputation.

I may be turning 25 in a few days but the challenge has just begun. I would not really call it a quarter life crisis as what I used to think a year ago, but I think of this as a learning experience. Turning 25 has exposed me to understand more about life in general, and on how I want my life to be. One of my wishes as I turn 25 is to take risks more often yet be very careful with the decisions I make in life. Quoting my close friend in the office, this time around I have to choose my battles wisely.

To be honest, I do not want anything spectacular on my birthday, but instead I would just want to reflect on what life has been to me, and see how I can make the most out of what God has given to me. Should there be gifts or surprises, I would appreciate that, but honestly, I still want to know more about myself. Even as I have existed in this world for almost 25 years, sometimes you get to know and understand yourself better as you age. Yes, age is just a number, you gain wisdom as you age.

25 and alive, and looking forward to what life has at stake at me. Life is very unpredictable, and anything is possible. The most important part is to be prepared for these events we do not have control of.

Bring on those challenges. Whether it may be hard or easy, I know that nothing is impossible.